Anniversary

Today marks my third anniversary of my move to Windsor. What's fitting about today is that we celebrated a milestone on the project I work on with a major announcement organized by yours truly.

For the past three weeks I have been completely immersed in this announcement plan. Putting it together, writing the news release, writing the backgrounder, writing the speaking notes, organizing the event details right down to how we would symbolize the completion (no ribbon, just trucks driving down a roadway...it was cool, trust me).

It's fitting because this project has dominated my three years on the project. From the ups and downs of the announcements on this project to the ups and downs of the issues. Kind of like my three years there. Three years of learning, challenges, opportunities and a great deal of growth.

I'm not the same person I was three years ago. I believe I've gotten stronger from the learning experiences. Not just workwise, but also personally as well. It's been three years well spent.

So happy anniversary to me. And here's to more great success!

A fool and her gold

I got some new vanity plates to go with my brand spanking new car. I know, I know...a fool and his gold are soon parted. But I figured, it was worth it! Besides, my plates on the front of my car are slowly losing the paint to chipping. I need new plates anyway so I spent the extra money to get the vanity ones.

AND, I live in Windsor and this is vanity plate central! I need to fit in!

smelling dafeet

This week I "smelled dafeet". That's a joke that comes from a book I loved in high school about dirty socks signifying smelling defeat.

I saw the writing on the wall as it related to my courses. I decided to drop my microeconomics course.

It was a hard decision but one I had to make. I didn't do well on the first assignment and I was struggling with the material. Added to that I have an assignment due in the class in two weeks and I was struggling to understand the question. I figured it would be better to drop out of the class with my academic standing intact.

A lot of people told me they were surprised I took on so much and I would like to publicly admit they were right. Although, when I took on the courses I didn't think about the very big announcement we're making at work next week and the added work on an assignment I agreed to help with.

It was more than I can handle so I'm staying in the two courses.

The great thing though is that my degree credits from Fanshawe can be put forward to a replacement course that I wouldn't have to take. Yay for that.

Now I just have to get through three more assignments and the final exams.

New Addition

Introducing Dexter. Our new addition to the house.

He's a bit of a brat. Likes to cause trouble. But he's funny and absolutely cute so we forgive him. Even when he's chewing my computer cord.

However, when he's really cute is when he's doing the unexpected. Like walking along the edge of the bathtub when one of us is in the shower (and falling in the tub with the water running with me or falling in the toilet with my roommate). Last night was especially hilarious when he discovered he could crawl UP my pyjama bottom legs and eventually got stuck. Or when he thought my skirt was a toy and he crawled underneath it and jumped up and down on my legs to bat at the thing. Personally I think the cutest is when he goes under the sheets and acts all crazy and then pops his head out all "what, I wasn't doing anything".

Now if we could just get through to him that he does his business in the litter box it would be a good thing!

Idle Pursuits

One of my favourite websites to visit is Television Without Pity. I discovered it way back in 1999 when I was covering reception for one of my old jobs before I went back to school.

At the time, I was looking for a way to catch up on what happened on Third Watch. The site had recaps and went by the name Mighty Big TV at that time. I loved it because it was snarky, had lots of great wit and of course filled me in on what I might have missed.

(Did I mention I'm kind of a tv junkie?)

Lately though, I noticed there was a bit of a change. All of these recappers popped up who are not who I thought they were. There weren't so many comments in the recaps like before from the regulars Sars, Wing Chun and the rest of them. I was a little disappointed and thought maybe they were taking a back seat.

After all, it was on TWoP where I hooked up with a bunch of online forum posters who got a little out of hand and were known as the bad bunch by the moderators. They shut us down a few times in order to get rid of us from the boards. I figured that we weren't the only wild bunch that caused problems and they had finally taken a step back from the site.

I was wrong.

I did a little bit more digging today looking for what was going on and finally stumbled upon this: from the founders that showed me what had happened way back in March (I'm always the last to know) and it made me sad. I really liked what they did with the site. And frankly, I'll miss the great Glarkware t-shirts that carp on the shows they made fun of.

TWoP...you'll never be the same...and that makes me sad!

Before you know it

Time seems to slip by me....

I had three days off this week. Three days I shouldn't have taken seeing as I was spending a great deal of them emailing and doing work stuff. I was all excited because I was coming up to my cousin's to look after their son and house and dog. I thought...this is awesome, I can catch up on all my homework! Except not.

Wednesday I slept most of the day as I got here at 11:30 on Tuesday night and then was up again at 3 to drive someone to Barrie to meet up with his hunting buddies. I came home and went right back to bed. Yesterday I did manage to get some work done but I didn't realize that four hours is not a lot of time when you're reading.

Today we're off to Barrie to drop a bed off at my sister's and to visit with her. Traffic I am sure is going to be a nightmare seeing as that's cottage country (or the entrance TO cottage country) and since this is traditionally the weekend everyone goes up to close their cottages...I'm sure the highway will be packed. Tomorrow we're headed back to Windsor.

I've had a good time this week. I am in love with their dog Bauer who is a big lopey golden retriever who just wants to love everyone. I'm not kidding either. He sits right beside me on the couch and rests his head on my lap like he's a lap dog. He is most definitely not a lap dog. But he's cute, so he's getting a pass.

Here's hoping I can get through the worst of the homework--the microeconomics homework...because that's the one that's stumping me!

Awesome

So you think this family band was awesome?
Well I've got news for you...

We're making a run for the title...

...however, if we could sing on key, we might not have to drink to numb the pain...

This way or that way

Yesterday, at the office, one of my female coworkers brought me this brochure and invited me on a trip with her and a few other people I know. She said "it's a really good opportunity, you should come with us".

Now I know what you're thinking...cult! But it wasn't.

It's an 8 day fabric market tour of Beijing. All inclusive, the total cost includes your flight, accomodations, food, and transportation to all these fabric markets and various other tourist areas of Beijing. Total cost with taxes and fees: $3500.

I kind of went "yelp" at that point. That's a lot of money. She tried to sell me on the whole "well it's all paid for and look at what you get" which was totally worth it.

My problem is this, I just paid about $4000 for tuition and books. Added to that I have to save for a down payment on a car I'm getting in a few weeks and I know I'm going to have another $300-500 for books in January. I'm also trying to save for a house should I be in a different living situation (read: new city) in six months to a year. So you can imagine why I'm on the fence about this one.

I really want to go. But I know that even if I did suck it up and spend the money, it's not just the $3500. I am a total sucker for pretty things so I know I would be buying fabric and purses and clothes and other cute stuff. Then I'd also buy souveniers etc. And then I'd come back and have to buy scrapbook supplies to actually scrapbook the whole tour and we're looking at about $6000 to $8000.

Once a lifetime sure...then there's the lifetime to pay it off that's left!

Change is good

This is what happens when you finally get fed up. This is what happens when you reach the point where you just want to do something to make yourself feel better. This is what happens when you say to your hairdresser "cut it, I don't care". (This is also what happens when you have such a good hairdresser that you can trust them when you say that). This is what happens at the end of a week that started with a full moon.

I could go into details about what made this week suck so much. I could sit and go through every little detail. But that would be pointless. Suffice to say that every little thing contributed to feeling like I was ready to explode. God bless my sister who put up with my venting about everything including a dent in my car door, my tea spilling, and the loss of a prime parking spot this week. Yes, it really was that bad.

When I break, I do so under immense weight of every little thing. And this summer has been full of them. The poor IT help desk person who had to read my email on Friday basically telling them how useless they are (and really, it was deserved since I had to go through several layers of bureaucracy just to have someone removed from an email distribution list). It was one of those weeks where everyone needed to take a step back and see the bigger picture.

Which resulted in me finally saying enough is enough with my hair and going in and cutting it all off. I wanted to grow it out a bit, see what it looked like, see if it would be fun to have long glorious hair. But in the end, it only resulted in pony tails, buns on top of the head, and tangles. My hair dresser was so happy when I showed him the photo I liked and said "cut it off, cut it all off, I trust you, make it look good". I think he was happier than I was when it was done!

Change is good. Change works. Change makes you feel better.

TAG, I'm it

I've been tagged by Jen and since I can never say no to a "dare" (or other things for that matter) I have to do it...so here goes:

The rules:

A) People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs & replace any question that they dislike with a new question.

B) Tag 8 people to do this quiz.

1.How many songs are on your iPod?

I think about 1700. I've been bad lately. Normally I download the weekly free tune and end up downloading a few other songs that get stuck in my head. The last three weeks my iPod has been sitting in the player rather than in my purse. I think losing it for a few days really screwed with me.

2. What music would you want played at your funeral?

I'll change this one to What would you want people to say at your funeral?

There's so many songs that I absolutely love and they would all be so sullen and sad that it would be hard to think about it (or decide for that matter) so instead I'll say what I want people to say or really think at my funeral. And that would be that I hope people would say that I lived my life. That I had a good life. That it was full of love and laughter. That they admired my choices and my independence and my sense of adventure. And that they would move forward trying to give as much as I have to others.

3.What magazines do you have subscriptions to?

O magazine and O at home, Creating Keepsakes, and these two cake decorating magazines that are actually cool.

4. What is your favorite scent?

Freshly cut grass and new babies.

5. If you had a million dollars that you could only spend on yourself, what would you do with it?

I'd travel and take others with me. Believe it or not, Disney would be my first trip. I know it's not really the rules to spend it on taking others with me but that IS spending it on me. Because you can't really do something fun without someone to enjoy it with. And I'd like to have my friends and family with me. Besides, that's happiness to me, sharing happiness with others.

6. What is your theme song?

If it feels good do it by Sloan. Actually, anything by Sloan because their sound is totally me.

7. Do you trust easily?

Sadly yes. And it's always the wrong people. The good news is, I trust about five people and get burned by four but end up with one really great person to show for it, so that's alright. Besides, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger right?

8. Do you generally think before you act, or act before you think?

Always always always think before I act. Sometimes too long. Which is a downfall in some instances. There's nothing wrong with just doing. (Or just thinking for that matter.)

9.Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?

Yes. Lots. Things that I won't get in to. Things that I did allude to in my last blog. But again, what doesn't kill you...

10. Do you have a good body-image?

Yes and no. I beat myself up in moments of black here and there. But for the most part my attitude is this: if they only like me for what I look like, then they aren't worth my time.

11. Is being tagged fun?

It's a good prompt, but I don't know enough people most of the time for these things. It's kind of like those forwards that make you send an email to 1200 people or you'll die in the street from a pumpkin falling from the sky...

12. What websites do you visit daily?

My regular blogs, newspapers, news sites, and some other funny gossipy sites to balance it all out. Facebook of course...but only to see what's new with everyone. The great thing about Facebook is that I have reconnected with piles of people that I lost track of after school and reconnecting with them has meant more to me than I can really explain.

13. What have you been seriously addicted to lately?

Felicity on DVD. And scrabble on the computer.

14. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?

Strong, caring, trusting, friendly, incredibly smart. She's one of those people who I met with others that burned me and it was a good thing that I trusted her. Her prescence in my life has meant more to me than anything. I turn to her for advice, laughs, escape and fun. She is definitely a kindred spirit.

15. What’s the last song that got stuck in your head? Change this one too, what's the last thing that got stuck in your head?

It's Peanut from Jeff Dunham...and it's the "search your feelings Jef-fa-fa" stupid thing!!!

16.What’s your favorite item of clothing?

Flannel pyjamas. Or my penguin slip on slippers that I bought at Target last Christmas.

17. Do you think Rice Crispies are yummy?

Mixed with marshmallows and butter and cooled in a pan cut into squares...when I was a kid I would eat them with sugar on them (the cereal with milk) or with Bananas. Yummy.

18. What would you do if you see saw $100 lying on the ground?

Try to find the owner. That still seems like a lot of money to me and it's wrong to keep it. I couldn't live with myself if I kept it. It would just feel wrong.

19. What items could you not go without during the day?

The internet, my car, my phone, food and my glasses. And my people.

20. What should you be doing right now?

Taking a shower and then doing my homework...instead I'm typing, talking to my cousin and procrastinating.

Ok so who to tag...well, I know no one...at least anyone who blogs who HASN'T been tagged so instead I'll say Sara and .Chris, but only because I'd want to see what Sara says and because Chris needs a jump start to blog

"God has a book"

Ah the polka dot dress...but I'll get to that in a minute.

God has a book is the term my cousin used on me yesterday morning after I confessed my deep dark secret from Friday night to her. I wasn't going to confess my deep dark secret because I was ashamed of myself. It related to the night before and I was pretty embarassed, ashamed and mad at myself for what happened.

You see, it was my friend's wedding the night before and I had done something that was completely unexpected, threw me right off guard and embarassed the crap right out of me. Thankfully, I had some really great people around me who understood, got me through it, and helped me see past it.

It's been a rough couple of weeks. Month really. There's been drama. And I tried to avoid the drama by staying out of it. Sadly, that brought the intense drama on. And dragged a large group of people into the drama. Making it a case of hard core drama. The result of which was that I had to move. Now, I could have moved into my own place. But with things the way they are (school, not sure how long I'm staying here, lots of other stuff going on) I really didn't want to sign a lease or buy a property. So after a long discussion with my cousin, I decided to move into her place. It's great really, she has a townhouse and she's on nights two weeks at a time. Not to mention that she's single and has a really great attitude to help me through stuff. Which I'll get to in a minute.

Suffice to say that the drama has had me stressed for a good three weeks. To the point where I'm waking up in the middle of the night with really strange dreams that sort of feed off of my deep dark fears, previous stress and stuff that happened at various points in my life. Not that I want to be a victim here, just that I'm having a hard time getting back on my equal footing and I really want to walk out of this nightmare soon.

So we get to Friday. Now, my friend that was getting married has been joking with me about setting me up with one of her husband's coworkers. He seems really nice. And I met him and thought he was cute. However, he's spoken for in the sense that he's not really ready to date anyone "exclusively". Added to that, I've just gotten back into a place where I was ready to date and had been interested in someone else. He ended up sitting behind me at the wedding and listening to him talk to another person there made me seriously think whether or not I wanted to spend time with him (I won't get into it, I just really didn't like his "attitude").

Fast forward to the reception. I went with a friend of mine who worked with both myself and my friend that was getting married. We had joked about going to the wedding together and I loved that she was able to drive the two hours to join me. I really wanted to have someone to go with since I knew no one of note (outside of the bridal party and seeing as the only person I really "knew" was the bride, it was a moot point as she would be busy). And I'm not one of those "high maintenance" guests...I just like to know someone...it's a comfort level thing.

Anyways...my big deep dark secret that embarassed me...I had an anxiety attack as we sat down at our table. And it was a nuclear reactor meltdown sized attack. One like I haven't had in about six years. One like I've had at times in my life that made me wonder if I'm actually going to be able to "live" my life in a normal sense. I mention this because these types of anxiety attacks really upset me and take me to a dark place that I don't like.

So how did it happen. I'm not really sure although I kind of know some of the triggers. I made a joke to my friend about spelling my name wrong and her sister in law was standing there. Then, when walking the receiving line, one of the members made a BIG deal about setting me up with a few single men at the party (which is one of my achilles heel things...I really don't like being set up...especially in that situation, when you're standing in the receiving line, trying to be polite and EVERYONE can hear her making a big deal about you being single and ALONE!) We went and sat down at our table and we were right by the buffet. It was extremely hot in the room and I had been drinking. All triggers...well, it was one drink on an empty stomach...and I don't drink.

It started. I started to get hot, flustered, faint, sick to my stomach. I normally can talk myself out of these things but none of my tricks was working. I got up to use the ladies room and seemed to have collected myself. Sadly, when I got back to the table, the waves hit me again. My friend noticed and high tailed me out of there (god bless her). We were sitting out in the lobby and the bride came out to see me. All. of. the. bridal. party. followed. And her sister in law made a big deal out of my comment about my name being spelled wrong. You can imagine what I was going through internally.

So my friend high tailed me out of that location as well. We went up to the hotel room, changed and decided to get some air. We thought maybe if I was out of the dress, away from the situation and not thinking about it I would calm down and feel better.

Not so much.

I started feeling like I had let my friend down, that I let my date down, that she had driven all this way to go and I had made her leave. That people would notice. That people would wonder. All of these stupid little things I shouldn't have been worrying about but I was. My friend saw just how bad these things get for me when I had to have her pull her car over so I could get some "air".

I wasn't going to tell anyone but then had to confess to my sister. If I hide it, it makes it worse. My cousin happened to see the conversation we were having (by MSN) and I had to confess to her. We ended up talking for a couple of hours about it which is where the "God has a book" comment came in. She really made me see that this is something I have to get through to be the person I'm meant to be.

People don't really understand it until they see it happening. And they realize just how forceful it is. And then they understand how hard it is for me to stop it. Now that one was a bad one, and I haven't had one of those in about six years...not since I was 'involved' with a guy I really wanted a future with and got a little scared about the situation. I can only think of my therapist and her reaction the next day when she said "Good, you survived, now you can move on!" Uh, not so much...

My friend (the bride) called me today to chat and was so great about it. It proved to me that my worries about how I acted and what I did were really for naught. But still, in the moment, I can't really think that way and it's hard to dig myself out of the situation that I'm in.

I don't know if it's going to happen again. I don't know if it will be that bad. What I do know is that I will get through it. I have to get through it. I have to move past it. I have to get stronger. These things aren't happening as often as they were when I was younger (imagine an entire year of university suffering daily with this thing) but they do take me off guard when they do happen. Thankfully I have great people around me who help me see past the dark stuff and bring me back into the light. Which is why I don't want to hide it, or be ashamed of it. The more people who know, the more people who can help me stop being afraid of who I'm meant to be.

As for the polka dot dress...well, it was everything I hoped it would be. Made me feel really happy to wear. I looked great. I felt great (when I wasn't all anxious) and I enjoyed the time I did spend at my friend's wedding.

Fogeyville

Back when I decided to apply to University again I figured it would be easy. You just fill out an application, send them a big fat payment and boom, you wait until they say "WELCOME".

Not so much.

The last time I applied to University I was 18, had the help of an awesome guidance counselor and the internet as we know it today didn't exist. You waited until you got your big fat package from the school and then you sent back the reply letter accepting their offer. For me, someone with a last name starting with R, I watched everyone else above me getting all their letters and when I finally got mine, I was pretty excited.

You see, here in Canada it's not like television where you get a letter in the mail telling you you got in. Here we get the letter, another letter explaining the process, a fancy booklet about life at the school and any other information they feel necessary to help you accept their offer.

Enter the internet. I have registered for my full year of courses without getting accepted to the school yet. I have registered online and have been privy to lots of information for weeks now. And yesterday, I went in and checked out my profile and saw that I was listed as an undergraduate student. Then when I got home I found my package welcoming me to the school on the kitchen counter. (We had a hilarious moment where I jumped up and down screaming I GOT IN!!)

Except, it's not as easy as that...you see, on the letter it says I have to accept the offer by September 1. Which is Monday. I can apparently do this through the internet. But going into the site they link to doesn't show anything. So I tool around the site a bit and see NOTHING. Then I can go into the Ontario University Application Centre to accept it and find...NOTHING.

Am I really this old that I can't figure this stuff out? Or is it supposed to be this hard???

Recovering

It may seem as if for every step you take in a forward direction you slip back a few steps as well, but appearances can be deceptive. If you could see life from a higher perspective you would realize that even your backward steps are taking you forward. Keep moving.

~Sally Brompton, CANCER, August 26, 2008

It's been a very crazy week and a half with a lot of unexpected events occurring. I can't say that it's been good to go through them, but it's been good to come out of them. Or rather, good to be on this side of them. But today, after charging another $1400 on my already smoking credit card for my next semester's worth of courses, I was this close to a little bit of a breakdown. Then I read my horoscope and had my little saving grace for the day. Let's hope that it's true and that this is the start of something good.

True North

You know you're Canadian when you spend a Friday night in August (80 F weather no less) in a hockey arena in capris and sandals. That's where we spent our night tonight, watching my 17 year old cousin try out for Stratford.

But the really funny part was watching his after game snack...a whole bowl of instant chocolate pudding. Nicely done.

My sanity, myself

It's been that kind of a week.

Every night I've thought about going to bed early but then something goes on that stresses me and then I end up not sleeping. And then of course it's been the kind of week where everything that could happen/go wrong, did at about 4:10 each day. Added to that, I had three days of appointments at 5:30 that I HAD to be at.

Today I was stressed because I couldn't find my iPod. I knew I had it on the weekend. I knew I had it on Monday. But from there, couldn't figure out where it might have gone. I had a panic that it had fallen out of my purse somewhere between work, the mall, work, the chiropractor, home, the mailbox. I went through my entire day Monday. Where I went, when I got out of my car, what I wore, what I did, where I went...went through my car, stopped at the chiropractor and then made a mental list of all the places I would have to go to check for it. In the end, it was under my desk at work. Phew.

Also today, I ended up getting a call from Ryerson asking about my transcripts from high school. Thank goodness I had left those at work. I had faxed them to the school three weeks ago but apparently that wasn't enough. And getting through to anyone in the department is as difficult as you can imagine. Added to that, getting through to anyone at my former high school proved to be just as difficult. Finally someone called me back and told me to send them directly to her. I'm glad she called me because she was going to cancel my application. As she put it "I was serious" (she had noticed I had registered for three courses). Transcripts sent by Purolator, problem solved.

Once you factor in the craziness of several media calls, a couple of negative stories we had to respond to, several requests for further information on other charts/documents/materials, a press release on a project, and some follow up and you can imagine why my body and mind is exhausted tonight.

I don't know how anyone has the energy to go out drinking and dancing on Friday nights...

Happy

Happiness is a polka dot dress from Laura. At least that's what I'm going with this week.

I had to get something to wear to a friend's wedding and knowing my luck, I knew it was going to be horrible trying to find something. I wanted to look good but not out of place. And of course, I hate trying on clothes because I am way too hard on myself.

Enter, Vaughn Mills on Sunday. We walked in the doors, walked around the corner and voila, my dress was on a mannequin in the window. I went in and discovered only one size 12 on the rack. I was a little scared because my luck couldn't be THAT good. In fact, it really was. I loved the dress from the moment I pulled it on. So cute and so flattering.

Every time I have pulled it out to show it to someone, I swear I fall in love with it more! I want to wear it all the time! I can't wait to wear it to the wedding!

Paradise

I'm leaving what I call "paradise" today for another kind of paradise tonight. I've spent a week at my cousin's place just lounging, hanging out and doing close to nothing. She has a pool, a hot tub, and loves to be the hostess. Which I am not just sucking up, I swear! Staying with her and her family is fun because it's a different kind of life. The kind where teenage boys run in and out asking for food, clean clothes, money, rides to parties and the like. The kind where her husband is in and out needing clean clothes, food, and directions. The kind where the phone rings non stop and my cousin has about two hours to herself in the afternoon (which she spends trimming plants and cleaning up the backyard no less).

We have still managed to have fun. We have lounged by the pool. We have gotten some sun (hilariously enough I have a tan except for the burn right at the edge of my bikini top line where the sunscreen DIDN'T hit) and we've had a really great week together. She's kind of like a big sister in that she just welcomes me into her home and we spend the time laughing and just enjoying each other. It's been really nice.

Tonight it's off to my friends' place in Toronto for two days with them. I haven't been up to their place since last December. Annette and Mary are the kind of friends every girl needs. The kind that you can sit and laugh with, who can make fun of you without it being bad, and who will talk about everything under the sun and still make sense. I've missed hanging out with them. Who knows what adventures we'll get into in the big city but I'm looking forward to it all the same.

Like I said, paradise. In more ways than one.

Eight Days a Week

Lots going on the last couple of days. I'm on "vacation" which is basically me taking the week of overtime I had left from the long days back in May and June. My plans changed quite quickly last week and I ended up staying with my cousin for a few days before heading off to Toronto to visit friends.

A sample of one of the cards

The rest of the weekend went well. I managed to finish about 25 cards or so. And had a nice visit with my sisters. My younger sister and I had really not been speaking very much to each other over the last two years due to some things that were said and we salvaged our relationship. As I left her on Sunday I told her what has been on my mind the last year or so...that I've missed having her in my life.

Clown in a Volkswagon--AKA my sister trying to pack her stuff

Monday my cousin and I just vegged by the pool and talked. It was really nice to do that. Sometimes you need to recharge a bit in that way and that was the perfect way to do it. We went to see my 14 year old cousin play baseball except he didn't really play...just ten minutes of the game. His two friends who came with us ended up taking about 200 photos on my camera of everything BUT Derek playing baseball.

Derek, Jordan and Josh finally getting to try out Bungee Jumping

Yesterday it was Canada's Wonderland. Which was funny in itself. We had four 14 year old boys and at that age, they are pretty funny. They think they're pretty big men but really they're still just boys. I'm kind of like the fun aunt along for the ride. I was the only adult with a cell phone so they thought it was pretty cool they could send me text messages. It really came in handy when we needed to know where they were once they took off on us in the morning. After one ride, Donna and I were ready to stay on solid ground (something happens to your equilibrium as you get older, I swear!) so we ended up following them around, holding bags, and waiting at exits for them. It was actually a nice day.

The four boys

Today I finally took the plunge and put a deposit down on my car. I had talked to a dealer in Windsor about it but I ended up going in the Saturn dealership here to talk with them. I put the deposit down on it and it should come in in November. I picked out a ruby red 2009 Vue hybrid. It was an easy decision but also a hard one. Had to really do some research, look at what I really wanted, what I really didn't want and what I would want for the next few years. Now with the changes to leasing I had to make a different kind of decision. I'm pretty excited about my new baby!!! Then it was on to the hospital for Derek's MRI and now we're just awaiting the arrival of Derek's older brother Kevin, home from Italy.

Tomorrow we'll await the arrival of Kevin's luggage. Lovely that his trip had lost luggage to bookend it.

Day One

My two sisters and I are at a scrapbooking retreat for the weekend. It's called Younique Retreat and I'm officially in love. Aside from having a whole table to yourself and not having to clean up at the end of the day (something hard core croppers will understand), we're fed all our meals which are borderline gourmet and we have everything done for us. Imagine staying at a really nice hotel and being able to just play all weekend long. Added to that, there's a hot tub, shopping and other cool things to do.

I've finished six cards so far and I've got another six almost completed. I went to bed at 2 a.m. last night and could not fall asleep thinking about more creativity that I wanted to do today. This is going to be so much fun.

Words to that effect

My last post seems to have confused a few people. What I was trying to express was that feeling that a lot of women get when they turn another year older. Wanting to hold onto our youth, wanting to not have to be one year older. That sort of thing. I was trying to express that I wasn't ashamed to be another year older because of all of the ways that I have grown in the years of my life. How I have triumphed over adversity if you will. Come through the rough to where I am today.

For some odd reason, certain people like to take credit for who I am just for the sheer excuse that they were a part of my life at some time. What they fail to realize is what role they played in this turmoil and how much of the drama and problems in my life were a direct result of their actions. I had to survive what they forced me to take on.

Something that these individuals don't realize is that who I am today is because of ME. Because of my strength and courage that I had to find deep down inside. Because I had to take these lemons and make lemonade, if you will. I find it completely odd that someone would try to see how their role that they fail to take responsibility for is a credit to me. I can assure you, it's not.

I have some really fantastic people in my life. Individuals along my road who have supported me, guided me, assisted me in any way they could to get me to where I am today. My gratitude and love for them is something I try to share every day. I do this by sharing my life with them. By telling them how much I care.

But by feeling this way I am labeled as angry, full of hate, less than what I claim to be because I have moved on and I have grown up from those moments in my life and choose not to continue to have that drama in my life. Unfortunately for me, these individuals continue to choose to remind me of those moments, of their actions that led to those moments, and accuse me of being less than I am for not allowing them to take this "credit" for their role in my life before.

Saying that you respect my decisions is one thing. Constantly harassing and stalking me to the point where I have to take this type of action is another. I really don't know how many times I can say "leave me alone" but it's starting to get old. Maybe one day these people will actually walk the talk and finally respect my wishes.