Monday, May 22, 2006

Back to Basics

I took my blog down last weekend in a moment of frustration. Why, I don't know, but I did it. Well, actually, I do know. Life hasn't been going well lately, and in a moment of utter disgust I posted about the one thing that is causing me a serious amount of upset. I spent several hours worrying about whether it was the right thing to do, to talk about it openly and when someone else pointed out it wasn't the right thing to do, I took it down.

I've been struggling for weeks to find something to talk about. I've forgotten what I had started this thing for and when I got so low that I talked about something I shouldn't have, I realized that maybe I needed to stop and re-evaluate what was going on.

Trouble was, I ended up cutting myself off from the point of the blog. That was to keep in contact with the people that I don't normally talk to, or the ones who keep track of me through my blog rather than a long winded email that basically leaves them bored and uninterested. And it occurred to me, more people than I think want to know what's going on with me. (That's more my family and friends, I'm not THAT vain).

Then something happened.

My week has been less than stellar. And again, I'm not going to discuss details about it. Suffice to say that things happened this week that have left me exhausted emotionally, fractured in the confidence area, and just plain disappointed that life could go so badly in a blink of an eye.

Tomorrow is when it all starts again and I have to fix what ended up broken.

A close friend of mine is going through something a little similar (actually hers is much worse than mine) and we sat talking about life for about three hours last night. At one point I told her honestly, I wasn't sure I liked being an adult. Which is kind of an immature thing to say, but it's true. Then I summed it up with this: life is full of lessons, we have to learn from them, and they aren't out to get us, they're out to make us better. Four years ago I ran from a situation like the one I'm in now, this time, I'm not running.

So now it's back to basics. Back to where I started. Back to who I was. Back to the beginning. Here's to a better journey.