Hate the playah, not the game

I swear, there is some kind of weird fate thing working against me. I have proof too. First, the other day I got a package in the mail. I had no idea where it came from (DVD legacy out of New Jersey). Well, turns out, inside was a cute little book called In the Know: The classic guide to being cool. Thinking this was someone's cute little gift I asked the logical people. No dice, they have no idea what it's about. So I have to say, this must be fate that this book landed in my hands. And if so, I am a lot cooler than you think Fate!

Second, and this one is pretty funny, I have an account on Lavalife. I tried the internet dating thing years ago, met nothing but freaks, and gave up. I still have a profile there, with a photo that is so old (pre-braces so my smile is even different) I can't even stand it. I'm sure I could take it down but part of me doesn't want to. Anyways...the past two weeks I have gotten a flurry of emails about how I have messages from people. I had originally changed my profile description to deter anyone over the age of 35 (this was before I was 30), anyone in another country, and anyone who doesn't speak English. This has not deterred anyone. In fact, I think it may be encouraging them. I have received no less than 5 messages from men over the age of 50 in the last week alone. The best one though, is this one, from yesterday. A 64 year old who has been "forced" to retire because of health problems, who lives in Florida because the cold doesn't agree with his achy body and who is looking for this:

I will only "match" with with a consenting women who enthusiastically would support child resulting from Our Physical Love. In effect until it is proven biologically imposible. Maybe I should tell him I don't want children?

He will be in communication until [he] know you not not want me to be. Well in that case...

Also, the IBM company turned against [him] when he was 32. Ya I saw that movie, Mel Gibson was pretty good.

He has to play the cards he has been delt. Get out of the game bud.

And he has "wild" property in New York & Wyoming States and needs a strong woman to SAVE HIM. Hee, wild property.

Again, all I have to say is ha ha funny funny FATE!