I've been off on leave for a week now because of surgery I had last week. Nothing serious. Just regular run of the mill fix me up surgery.
But it's not that that has me in this weird mood tonight. Rather, the time I've had to think that might have been contributing to it.
Last week I got some very devastating news about someone I care about. News that you really don't expect and that punches you in the gut when it happens. I didn't want to think badly about it but I know that it isn't going to end well. And the one thing this person has taught me, is how to love unconditionally. How to recognize the blessings in your life. How to fight for what you believe in. How to be a good person. How to just sit back and let life lead the way.
That set me into thinking about other stuff. And it made me think about the people in my life. The people who make my life what it is. The people I love. How they came here, what purpose they came here for. What they've taught me. How I've learned from them. What impact they've had on my life. It's amazing how one little act can lead to a part of life that fulfills you and makes you whole. Or how someone you wouldn't have even expected can teach you to be a better person when you thought you were the best person you can be.
I also thought about how you need to say it. That's one thing this person taught me. That you can't live your life afraid to say what's on your mind. Afraid to tell people what you want to tell them. That I shouldn't be afraid to say how important someone is to me. So I decided I should say it. And I said it. And I keep saying it.
But sometimes, when you tell someone, it doesn't always elicit the response you hope for. Or the response you are expecting. And in that instance, there's nothing left to say. So I think it's time for me to stop saying it. Because not saying it hurts. But saying it and not saying anything in return hurts more.
So maybe I have nothing left to say.