Good News

This week I've received two days of good news.

First, on Monday at my chiropractor. I mentioned to him the surgery I had had and part of it was to alleviate some pressure on my back and shoulders. He told me that he noticed there was a difference in several of the discs in my shoulder blade and neck area. He said that normally you don't see that much of a difference so soon but three of them were already realigning themselves. This was very good news to me.

Then today, I was given a great deal of praise at work and thanked for my dedication and commitment to the work no matter what was going on. Considering some of the crap that has hit the fan over the last few months and how I felt just two months ago, this was very welcome.

So you can imagine my happiness this week. I'm very grateful that things are going well. And I hope they continue to do so.

Love

Further proof I have the most adorable nieces...

My oldest niece says to me (about my surgery) "I hope you're not going to become addicted to your pain killers."
Me: "no, I stopped taking them last week".
Her: "Ok good because becoming addicted to drugs is bad".

Change

Yesterday I said goodbye to our temporary manager.

I'm not really one of those people who handles change all that well. It's actually kind of funny considering I'm the middle child of five. Being in a family of that many you learn many things like patience, tolerance, fairness, and the other hard lessons of life. Which sounds funny but it's true. You learn to adapt and that you don't always get your own way.

Which goes back to me not liking change. In this job, I've learned a lot and have had a great deal of change going on. When I took it, the biggest difficulty was being so far from my family. My sisters were at least two hours away (one was four) and I just felt like I was so far from everyone that knew me. Adapting to that was difficult.

Thankfully I worked with a fantastic woman who I leaned on as a friend and we suffered through and survived. I dubbed us soldiers in the trenches. This job was that kind of job. Always a battle, always some hurdle to get past, always some sort of unique challenge to overcome. When you live in that situation you learn to adapt, to tolerate, to get through.

In a small office, you bond, you get close and you tend to survive things together. Which is why it was somewhat hard to say goodbye to our temporary manager yesterday. She was a great mentor, a great sounding board, a fantastic friend. When you work with a tyrant, it's not difficult to let them go, but when you work with someone who believes in you and treats you with this level of respect, it's sad to see them go.

As happy as I am to have my friend back on Monday from her maternity leave, it's still going to be odd to not see our other manager every day. It's like losing a daily friend. And for us, this will be a unique change. So you can imagine my little bit of sadness when I locked the door behind her yesterday.

Change is good in some instances, but sometimes it's kind of sad.

Did you say it?

I've been off on leave for a week now because of surgery I had last week. Nothing serious. Just regular run of the mill fix me up surgery.

But it's not that that has me in this weird mood tonight. Rather, the time I've had to think that might have been contributing to it.

Last week I got some very devastating news about someone I care about. News that you really don't expect and that punches you in the gut when it happens. I didn't want to think badly about it but I know that it isn't going to end well. And the one thing this person has taught me, is how to love unconditionally. How to recognize the blessings in your life. How to fight for what you believe in. How to be a good person. How to just sit back and let life lead the way.

That set me into thinking about other stuff. And it made me think about the people in my life. The people who make my life what it is. The people I love. How they came here, what purpose they came here for. What they've taught me. How I've learned from them. What impact they've had on my life. It's amazing how one little act can lead to a part of life that fulfills you and makes you whole. Or how someone you wouldn't have even expected can teach you to be a better person when you thought you were the best person you can be.

I also thought about how you need to say it. That's one thing this person taught me. That you can't live your life afraid to say what's on your mind. Afraid to tell people what you want to tell them. That I shouldn't be afraid to say how important someone is to me. So I decided I should say it. And I said it. And I keep saying it.

But sometimes, when you tell someone, it doesn't always elicit the response you hope for. Or the response you are expecting. And in that instance, there's nothing left to say. So I think it's time for me to stop saying it. Because not saying it hurts. But saying it and not saying anything in return hurts more.

So maybe I have nothing left to say.

Thoughts

I travelled up to Toronto this week for a conference and the day I went up was one of those grey overcast days where there are mists on the fields and coming off the water (the train travels along beside Lake St. Clair for a bit...) and it's one of those days I LOVE. I don't know what it is about those scenes but they just make me feel really thoughtful, creative, and full of words that I want to spill on paper.

As is always the case, I end up on the train with students (this time I sat beside a Chiropractic student who made me laugh for most of the 4 hours) and that also gets me thinking.

I always say I don't have regrets...I don't...but there are moments I wish I could go back to different times in my life and say things to my old self. Things that might have made me feel better. So if I could...here are some of the things I would say...

Kids are dumb and they do dumb things, you can't make them like you, and them not liking you doesn't make you a bad person.
No, he is not the only man you're going to love.
Yes, you DO deserve better.
Study harder, take that class and work for it. Because it's worth it.
Respecting an elder does not mean always agreeing with them, but you shouldn't always say that out loud.
Please don't say that.
Please don't say that ever.
Please stop saying that.
Don't be afraid to be who you really are. Because those kids won't be your friends no matter who you act like/talk like/follow.
He/She is going to be a lifelong good friend...be good to them.
Go, live, experience. It will all be here when you're finished.
Get it out of your system now and you'll thank me later.
You really shouldn't buy that.
Listen to your heart. Sometimes it's right.
Believe in yourself.
Don't waste your energy being nervous over someone who isn't worth being nervous over.
Stop worrying so much.
Life is too short to spend it trying to be something you're not.
Laugh as hard as you can as much as you can.
Don't be afraid to try.